Interview with Dragonlover
This interview was conducted in March 2019 with Dragonlover. He has been a member of the boylove community for over 7 years, and may be better known for his role in owning Enchanted Island and for his regular radio shows live at Wired-PM Radio, as well as his current site Paradise Mountain.
FalseAlias (FA): Give us a little introduction of yourself, for those of us just joining the community of reading Ethos for the first time.
Dragonlover (DL): Thank you FA for allowing me this time. I am Dragonlover, and I am one of four administrators on the BL site known as Paradise Mountain. I am also a member of all of the major BL boards. I am the Staff Manager for Ethos Magazine, as well as a DJ for WIRED-PM Radio. I am also an Assistant Curator for BoyWiki working with Etenne to keep that site updated.
FA: It was just over a year ago that Enchanted Island closed its doors. You've seen its birth in 2014, and its death in 2018. How would you say being part of Enchanted Island changed you?
DL: I have learned so much! When Enchanted Island's Founder, Kermie asked me to come on board as an admin, I was truly honored. Under his guidance I have learned how to be an effective administrator, and that being an administrator isn't just having a pretty color and fancy title. It takes dedication, commitment and hard work. Kermie taught me how to make sometimes very difficult decisions.
FA: How was Enchanted Island formed, and how did you become involved with the project?
DL: Well, my very first BL board was Boyland Online. I joined in August of 2012 under the name LittleBoyLover. There, I made many great friends, one of whom was Kermie. We used to chat, play the posting games, etc. I remember once we got into a posting duel. Each of us made over 1,000 posts in a single day!
Anyway, we came up with the idea of having our own BL board. That was in December of 2013. As the months passed, Kermie shopped around for board software, a server, etc. We took on other admins as well, one of whom was the late Johnny Lonewolf. Johnny and Kermie dealt with the technical side, and I put the rooms together and hired a staff. Then, over the Memorial Day weekend in late May, we had a special sneak preview. We invited select, high ranking members from the BL community to come in, join and have a look. Then, on June 1st, 2014 we opened our doors to the public.
FA: What were some of the challenges involved in running Enchanted Island?
DL: There were many. At the beginning it was the expense. Everything had cost money. Fortunately, Kermie had owned his own company earlier in his life and was able to retire and live financially comfortable. Then there was security. We needed the proper security to protect us from attacks, etc. Staffing issues were mine. We needed to hire people into key positions who were more than familiar with BL, what it is, its concepts and beliefs. And, we managed to find them.
Later, we dealt with some other technical issues. Then, tragedy struck in October of 2016. Our dear friend and Founder, Kermie passed away. We were all deeply saddened. But he left us with the charge of keeping the legacy alive. Finally, it was the false DMCA reports that were filed against us by someone on the board. That is what ultimately did us in.
FA: How did Kermie's passing impact the members and staff of Enchanted Island? It wasn't a small thing, as Kermie was widely known in the boylove community as well as within Enchanted Island.
DL: I think I can speak for most of us who knew him. We were devastated. He wasn't just our Founder. He was a very dear friend. To me, he was like an uncle. Always there to chat with and to offer his wise advice. But everyone was affected. He was truly a very special man. And we miss him to this day.
FA: Do you think that the closure of three boylove boards in such rapid succession (YoungCity in late January 2018, BoyLover.org in February 2018, and Enchanted Island in March 2018) is a connected incident, or are they all separate?
DL: The current admin team on Paradise Mountain tend to agree that, the closures are connected in some way. These closures were in rapid succession; not just a coincidence. Someone had an agenda. We can only offer up speculation on exactly what that agenda was, and I won't do that here. But we do have ideas as to what the agenda was, and who the perpetrators were.
FA: We both know BLo and EI went down because of DMCA spam, but YC hasn't had a confirmed reason for their termination. Just speculative theory. Would you speculate about YC's demise, or would you like to refrain from commenting without evidence to support anything?
DL: I was a member of Young City, and I am sad to see it go. I am familiar with the owner of YC. Without mentioning his name specifically, he had certain US military obligations that could pop up at any time. Meaning he could be called to active duty, and have to leave without notice. This could be one reason.
FA: When you received the first DMCA takedown request from your host, what was the reaction of staff at Enchanted Island?
DL: We saw it as a random thing, really. We took care of the issue and tried to move forward. We didn't just shrug it off though. It was in the back of our minds that it could happen again.
FA: When you joined the boylove community, what were your initial observations and how has your view of the community changed since that time?
DL: Well, as I said, I joined BLOL back in 2012. The site came up in a Google search I did for boylove chat. I clicked the link and joined. I was completely amazed that such a place existed. It was an amazing find and I am so glad that I joined. I could let the boylover side of me express itself with relative freedom without judgement; these were men who felt just like I did. My view has changed quite a bit to be perfectly honest. I am now of the position that we need to fight for our rights to speak freely, and be acknowledged as men and women who are simply wired in a certain way. We like boys. We are not the monsters and common child molesters that society makes us out to be. Boylove is not about sex, control or any other deviant or harmful thing. Its the opposite. Its about protecting and loving boys. Being their friend, being a mentor. Boys need grown men in their lives; men who are not their father or any other relative. They need adult friends, too.
FA: Did members make you feel welcome when you joined your first boylove forum?
DL: Absolutely! The guys on BLOL made me feel 100% welcome. Funny thing, I was reading some of my old posts and threads on the original BLOL site. I even saw my very first thread which was my "introduction thread". So many people responded to that thread, and it warmed my heart that so many people welcomed me to the fold. Not just members, either. Staff members all the way up to the top welcomed me as well. That showed that they cared enough to take the time to acknowledge me. I was hooked!
FA: Tell me about your role as a boylove radio DJ for Wired-PM Radio. How much planning does an average show take, or do you do it all live and just go with instinct on what to play next?
DL: Well, as some of you may know, I actually was a DJ on a couple of local radio stations in my area. Only back then it was vinyl record LPs, 45s and cassette tapes. So, I am trained in how to compute time, tempo, song segues, etc. You need to really know the music you play. Be familiar with especially the beginning and end of the songs. Does the song fade in at the start and end, or is it a sudden start and stop? I try and plan my shows to fit within a 2 hour time frame. I try also to play songs that haven't been heard in a while. In other words I try not to be repetitive. If I play The Beatles "Come Together" one week, I try not to play it again within the next 60 days at least, unless someone requests it. I do take requests. I will gladly disregard a song I have on my playlist to accommodate someone's requests.
FA: What is your fondest memory of being in the boylove community? No doubt, there must be at least something good from all your time here.
DL: Oh my God, there are so many! But if I were to choose one, it would be getting my first private message on BLOL from Kermie. I remember it to this day.
"Hi there Dragonlover! Just a note to say good job on your posting. I really do enjoy reading what you have to say, not to mention you trying to outpost me in the games. We are post whores! But its for the good of the community. So buddy if you want to chat on skype sometime you can add me..."
That was the beginning of a friendship I will always cherish.
FA: Do you think the current community has any flaws that need to be patched up or worked on?
DL: Well, I do think we need to step forward and let people know that we are not child molesting monsters. I have seen it said by society that the term "boylove" is simply a masking term; something we use to cover up the fact that we sexually abuse boys. They say that we are just trying to give child molestation a fancy and innocent name. Not so! We are men and women who love boys. Not for sex, not for power. But for being friends and mentors to our boys. Sometimes yes, that means showing affection. A hug. A kiss. Holding hands. What is wrong with that? Society needs to understand that we as boylovers cannot change our makeup. It is how we are wired. I compare it to being straight, or gay, or lesbian. They are wired in a certain way. It took time, but they were eventually accepted for who they are. Do some people still consider them deviants? Yes. But they are fighting for what is right, and that is what we as the boylove community need to do.
FA: People in the community know that you've done time in the criminal system. Could you elaborate on what happened and what you felt about the experience?
DL: Well, it all happened in March of 1999. I was employed at a residential treatment facility for boys suffering from severe psychiatric problems, and I was an overnight staff member working from 11 PM to 7 AM. My job was to see that the boys in my care were safe. If any of them awoke during the night, I was to deal with the issue as I saw fit, as long as it was within the scope of legality and my training.
As a boylover it was only natural for me to form loving and nurturing relationships with the boys in my care. They knew when I was working, and they knew they were safe; that I would gladly protect them from any harm. One night a boy asked me if I could adopt him. He was a boy with some very severe behavioral issues. I loved him, yes. However, there were agency policies prohibiting the adoption of a child in care by an employee. I was also not financially secure enough to be raising an 11 year old boy. I also lived with my aging stepfather who was still reeling from the death of my mother. He hated children, so adopting this boy just wasn't a reality.
I explained to him, in a way he could understand that I couldn't adopt him. He flew into a physical and emotional rage, hitting me, spitting at me and screaming. I was forced to place him in what we called a 4 point restraint. Essentially this meant getting him in a face down, prone position. I had to straddle his torso, using my legs to restrain his legs, and my hands to restrain his arms. I had to press my head against his head to keep him from banging his head on the floor. After 15 minutes of that, we went through what we called the letting go process. Meaning the more he was able to calm down, I would release one limb, letting him move it freely. I was eventually able to let him up, and he went to his bed and laid down. He apologized to me for his behavior, I kissed him goodnight and tucked him in.
I then had to fill out the required documentation as to what happened; a restraint form, an incident report and notation in his case notes. At 7 AM I informed the incoming staff as to what happened, wished everyone a good day and left. A week later 2 detectives and police officers showed up at my house. I was being accused by this boy of sexually assaulting him. Stunned, I was taken into custody and questioned. I told the detectives what happened on the night of the restraint, but they didn't believe me. I was taken to the county jail and booked. I was assigned a public defender, a defense attorney who would defend me, free of charge.
He said my best bet was to plead guilty. Even though I didn't do what I was accused of, he was saying plead guilty. He told me that was the best thing. Take a deal with the district attorney. Plead guilty and be sentenced to the state mandatory minimum of 2 1/2 years to 5 years in prison. Or, we could take it to trial. The DA would coach the boy as to what to say, and a jury will believe him and find you guilty. You face a good chance of getting 30 years or more in prison. But, I would be found guilty. Society hates child molesters, and that was what I was being accused of. He gave me 3 days to decide what to do. After talking it over with my fellow inmates, I decided to take the deal. I didn't want to do 30 years in prison.
I took the deal, but deep down inside I felt betrayed by the justice system. I was accused of a crime, and convicted of something I know in my heart I didn't do. What I was accused of was heinous, and I am simply not capable of committing such an act. It goes against my beliefs as a man and as a boylover.
As promised, I was given the sentence of 2 1/2 to 5 years. And, I was to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life upon release from custody. I did the whole 5 years. On top of that, I was subsequently arrested and convicted for violating the sex offender registration requirements. Tack on 3 more felonies. As a result of this, I cannot find a job, I cannot afford a decent place to live, I cannot attend a good college or university. My entire family and most of my friends have completely disassociated themselves from me. I am afraid to make real life friends now, because my name is so easily searchable on Google. The first thing that pops up is the link to me state sex offender profile. I know that because I have run a Google search on my name.
This experience has left me feeling bitter, angry and completely distrustful of law enforcement. I also have lost all faith in our justice system. Sorry for the novel, but it had to be told as I did or it might be misunderstood.
FA: Do you think being a boylover means one must have a sexual desire for boys, or can it be a purely emotional attraction?
DL: On that, I think it can be a combination of both. The way it is with me, I can get emotionally involved with a boy. Sure, he may be a very cute boy physically. But that is in the background. I am focusing on our emotional level. Trust. Expressing true feelings on this or that. Sharing life experiences. Letting him know he can count on me as a friend, and as an adult. Be there for him. But, a sexual attraction can then develop over time.
FA: How did you find out that you were interested in boys sexually, and how did finding out make you feel?
DL: I have always been interested in boys. Ever since I can remember. When I was 6 or 7 years old I can remember liking boys my own age and younger, and as I got older that never changed. I was always OK with it.
It wasn't until about 1993 or 1994 that I found out about the concept of boylove. I was watching an episode of a talk show hosted by Sally Jessie Raphael, and her guests on this particular show were the heads of NAMBLA. They explained who they were and what they were about. They talked about boylove, and I was like, "OMG that fits exactly how I feel. So this has a name to it." I even called their number and got to talk to the president of NAMBLA. We chatted for a good hour. I did not become a member, but it was informative, letting me know that I wasn't alone in how I felt.
FA: Are you attracted to just boys, or are girls involved too?
DL: Easy answer: Just boys. I have never really been into girls.
FA: What is your AoA, and has it ever changed or moved?
DL: My AoA is 3 to 13. A wide range, yes. And no, it hasn't really changed.
FA: Describe your ideal boy. What would his most defining feature be? What would make you interested in him?
DL: The ideal boy for me would be a boy who is shy, maybe troubled. He can have any appearance, really. Meaning he need not be the blond haired, blue eyed boy god we dream of. As long as he has a good personality and knows how to be respectful, he's okay with me. So yes, his personality is a defining feature for me.
FA: You're a boylover, and you've obviously been one for a pretty long time. Would I be correct to assume you've learned a few things in handling your attraction that you might be able to share?
DL: Well, I have learned not to act too quickly if I see an attractive boy. And if I do decide to act, be extremely cautious when doing so. However, after having done jail time for a sex crime against a child that I did not commit, I really don't interact with boys anymore. The risk is simply too great.
FA: As a person who takes pride in writing their contributions to good quality, do you like reading too?
DL: Oh yes, I love to read. I acquired my love of reading while in jail. There was a lot of time to fill, so I would raid the jail library and just read. I am into horror such as Stephen King or John Saul, true crime by authors such as Anne Rice, and psychological thrillers such as the novels of Patricia Cornwell.
FA: Do you think any of the chronophilias are caused exclusively by genetic factors, or are environmental factors of significant importance too?
DL: Well, I think that environmental factors are quite important. I grew up around boys. All kinds of friends, cousins, nephews, sons of my parents' freinds. All boys. So therefore, for me it was an environmental thing. At least I think it was. Genetically speaking, I really don't think its genetics. No one else in my family is like me, or at least I don't think so. The only person in my family I can think of who even might be pedophilic is my brother-in-law, and he's not even related to me by blood. So, I lean more towards environmental factors.
FA: Do you believe that paedophilia, or boylove, should be legally recognised as a sexuality?
DL: Yes, I do. Plain and simple. I believe that is how we are wired. To me its like being straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual. And, if you are really pedophillic, it cannot be changed. There is no cure. There is therapy that can help you handle urges, such as behavior therapy/modification, but there is no cure. Just like you can't cure being gay.
FA: Do you think that parents over-protect their children in current society, or would you say they're too care-free about what their children do?
DL: I think this depends on the socio-economic structure of the family. I have had several young friends from several different socio-economic strata, and I have found that boys from families in the poorer parts of town have parents who are pretty care free. Sure, they want to know who you are, and where you are going with their sons, but they are more open to a friendship between you and their boys. Boys from broken homes where Mom has custody, they are very happy to have an adult male in their son's life to help out. But, I have found that in higher class society parents are very guarded about who interacts with their boys and why.